I Know What's Real: A Contemporary Online Romance Read online

  The temptation of those words tests my resolve. The prospect of spending the night in her arms interrupts my usually rational thought processes. A thread of willpower and a whisper of caution are all that keep me from accepting her offer.

  “I wish that would be possible. Let me check my calendar and I’ll let you know when my next available appointment will be. It will likely be later this week, unfortunately. I’ll check back with you later this afternoon.”

  “Ok. I get it- going to be a long day. I will see you tomorrow though. I can’t wait to try to pick you out,” she says. The slight disappointment in her voice both thrills me and makes me feel like the biggest jerk in the world.

  “I look forward to it. Talk to you soon.” I hang up with her laughter in my ear. I hope I hear that laughter again.

  Chapter 19

  As I walk into the conference room, I feel like I’ve swallowed a million butterflies. My stomach is a roiling mess of nerves. I tell myself that this is going to be an amazing day. The masks come off today and we can move from phantoms in the night to lovers in the light. I giggle at my own goofiness but quickly bite it off catching the look from the woman walking in next to me. Sometimes, I forget how to act in public.

  The foyer is crawling with people, milling around chatting and gossiping. I say hello to a few people whose face I recognize but have no idea what their name is. I scan the crowd. I know that Alec has a beard and is taller than me. That means he is close to 6 foot or better. There seems to be an inordinate amount of tall men that work here as I try to skim the crowd for tall, bearded men. I see some potential candidates, but only a few of them could even be considered a true possibility. The rest are either too short, too heavy, or too old. I feel like Goldilocks and giggle again.

  I follow the flow of people into the conference room. I look around, trying to decide where to sit. I spy a familiar face at the front of the room. I quickly thread my way through the rows of chairs and slide into the seat next to a slightly battered Larry, being careful not to bump his casted leg. I give him a friendly hug and peck on the cheek.

  “Hey, Sunshine. How’s it going,” he asks and gives my hand a pat. “How did you and the new guy get along? He doesn’t seem too bad for a boss-man.”

  “Boss-man? What do you mean,” I ask, as Gene Mackey approaches the podium.

  “Shhhh,” Larry hushes me. “You’ll see.”

  I try to protest, but Larry just shakes his head. I give up even though my mind is spinning with the puzzle. Alec is going to be whose boss?

  Gene Mackey is kind enough to answer that question for me. “It is with great pleasure that I introduce Alec McClaren as the new president of operations for Arrow Industries. Alec comes to us from just across town…” His words go on, but they wash over me, unheard.

  Alec is the boss and not just any boss, but the top dog. He neglected to mention that. My cheeks burn hot as I think about the things I’ve said, the things I’ve done. I would have never dared to do more than put a smiley face in my email if I knew he was the new president. I suppress a groan and bury my face in my hands.

  “Hey, you ok, sweetheart?” Larry’s concerned voice is close to my ear.

  I nod into my hands and straighten up with a deep breath. What did it matter if I had a little thing with the president of the company? It certainly isn’t something that will continue. Presidents of companies don’t have dalliances with the content writer. That certainty makes me sick to my stomach and tears prick at the back of my eyes. I bite my lips and turn my head with everyone else to see a man striding in from a side entrance towards the raised podium.

  My breath catches in my throat and I stare openly along with everyone else. I would have known him anywhere. He moves with a powerful grace. My fingers flex in memory of tracing that handsome face. He wears the neatly cropped beard naturally and it looks sexy as hell on him. The well-tailored suit hangs perfectly on broad shoulders and I can easily remember the feel of the solid chest just beneath the crisp white shirt. I swallow hard as the details of my fantasy fill in with an alarming rapidity. The phantom’s features are brought into beautiful focus.

  I close my eyes for a moment, etching him in my memory. I hope that he won’t be able to find me in the crowd when I feel the weight of his stare on me from across the room. I wonder how he had been able to find me so easily but quickly answer my own question. Of course, I would be next to Larry, the guy with crutches sitting in the very front of the room. I force my eyes to meet his as he approaches the podium.

  “Thank you, Gene. I am truly excited to join the Arrow Industries team. Most of you have seen me around for the last week as I have observed and learned the processes and culture of Arrow. I have been impressed and pleased with what my initial investigation revealed.” Alec’s voice is as familiar to me as my own. He continues to talk about plans for the future but the words are lost on me.

  After Alec’s address, the presentations go on and on with their slides and numbers. Occasionally, people clap about something and Larry nudges me so I clap too. I absorb none of it. I sit in my chair and stare at my hands. I feel Alec looking at me, but keep my eyes cast resolutely down.

  Mercifully, it draws to a close and lunch is announced. I arrange my features in an amiable smile and give Larry another hug. I have to get out of here. People are slowly filing out the main exits in the back of the room. I can’t wait to escape so I make my way out of a small side exit. I step into a deserted hallway and see the glow of an EXIT sign burning to my right. Praying that it isn’t a fire exit, I push through it. Fortunately, no alarms sound. I look around to get my bearings and my phone chimes, indicating an email. I tell myself not to look. I tell myself to just walk away from it all. Larry is back and I don’t have to interact with Alec “I forgot to mention that I’m the new president” McClaren. I tell my feet to move, but my heart and body seem to have mutinied against my better judgment.

  I pull out my phone and open the email, telling myself not to be stupid. It is just a courtesy email to break off his naughty fling with the company writer.

  Kinsey,

  I didn’t plan this. Wait for me in my office. I will be there soon.

  Alec

  I realize this is another point of no return. Go left, get in my car, and go home. Go right, in through the front lobby of the building, and wait for a man who has given me the most exciting and erotic week of my life- and completely lied to me. I chew my lip and try to make an intelligent, rational decision. It doesn’t surprise me when my feet turn right.

  Chapter 20

  I excuse myself from lunch as soon as I am able, earning a bit of a frown from Gene Mackey. He has no idea what is waiting, hopefully, for me in my office. I don’t know what I am going to say. I have no idea of how we can make this work. I do know that I want Kinsey more than I have ever wanted another woman in my life.

  I try to exude nonchalance as I walk to the office. My heart is pounding and my gut is tied in knots. I don’t let myself think about what happens if she isn’t there. I can’t contain my feet any longer when I reach the vacant upper offices. My pace builds to almost a jog through the halls to my new office in the far corner of the building. No longer trying to keep up any pretense of being calm, cool, and collected, I burst through the door.

  My eyes take a moment to adjust. The blinds are all drawn tight and the room is mostly dark. I see her, spinning slowly in my office chair and, if my eyes aren’t deceived by the dim light, wearing nothing but my extra shirt. Hope springs to life in my chest. I step inside and quickly close and lock the door.

  “Kinsey,” I practically moan her name. “I am so sorry.” I cross the room quickly and drop to my knees in front of the slowly spinning chair. I reach out and halt the revolution, bringing her to a stop facing me. Slowly, I lower my forehead to her lap.

  She sits unmoving and I wonder if I have misread the situation completely. My heart rate ratchets up as my doubt starts to increase. Maybe she has come here to show me exactly
what I can’t have. Maybe she is about to start screaming and give me the dressing down that I most certainly deserve. Maybe-

  “I got your note. You should have just told me, but I understand. This whole thing got the better of both of us, I think.” Her voice is a husky whisper and I keep my head bowed, as if in penance.

  Finally, her hands come to rest softly on my head. She caresses the back of my neck and gently pushes back on my shoulders. I rise up on my knees, feeling like a man who has just been giving a stay of execution. I study her beautiful face that even now is half hidden by the dark. Her hands cup my face for an instant before she starts to slide her fingers over my features.

  Kinsey heaves a sigh that is heavy with hunger and frustration. The emotion riding on her breath snaps my brittle control. My mouth finds hers, hot and hard. She hesitates for a beat and then I feel her resolve melt. She returns my kiss with an abandon that has my body responding like a wild beast in response to the call of his mate. A primal energy surges through me and blots out all of my carefully planned words.

  She pushes me away and with a mammoth effort, I release her. My hands rest on her shoulders. I can feel her chest heaving with her rapid breathing. Her whole body is shaking, and I want to pull her to me and hold her.

  She pushes to her feet to stand in front of me and the front of the shirt falls open. I can dimly see the outline of her breasts and curve of her hip. My hands rise to trace those outlines that I know so well, but she steps back out of my reach.

  “I shouldn’t have done this. I had this stupid romantic vision of how it would be for you to find me here, like this. I should go. I’m-” Her voice ends and my heart squeezes because I realize she is trying not to cry.

  “This isn’t what you envisioned,” I ask softly, still on my knees in front of her.

  “No. It’s so much better.”

  I launch to my feet and pull her to me, kissing away her tears. I kiss her mouth, face, and neck. My hands steal under the open shirt and skim along her smooth skin. I pull her to my chest and crush her to me.

  “Kinsey.” I pour all of my desire, my regret, my hope into her name. I don’t have any more answers than when I walked in here, but I do know that I cannot, will not, let her go.

  Chapter 21

  That long walk to Alec’s office had been full of confusing emotions and half-formed thoughts. Anger, desire, hope, fury, disappointment, lust had all become one jumbled mess by the time I slipped into his huge office. It definitely befitted a president with its heavy wood and leather furniture, huge windows that overlooked the whole city, and private bathroom.

  An envelope bearing my name sat in the middle of the desk. I had ripped it open realizing how desperately I didn’t want this to end.

  Kinsey,

  I cannot tell you how sorry I am. I never meant to deceive you. This started as a simple diversion, something spontaneous and fun. Then it became the most amazing, intense, erotic experience in my life. I could never find the right time to reveal that I was the new president of the company. I wasn’t exactly acting like a president. I was acting like a man- a man who got caught up in the moment with the most intoxicating woman he has ever met.

  I offer no excuses. I don’t want this to end, Kinsey. I want more of you, of us, of what might still lay ahead.

  Alec

  His words had been so simple and true and so accurately reflected my own feelings that all of my indignation had left me in a rush, leaving me with only my longing for him. My overactive imagination had shifted into high gear, planning out a seduction. While it hadn’t exactly gone as planned, the feel of my face pressed to his hard chest, his arms around me, my name on his lips all would indicate a successful execution of my plan. My inner good girl is shouting at the top of her lungs, warning me of how close I am skating on the edge of a broken heart. I slam the door on her caution and pull Alec down for a hungry kiss.

  “I can’t stay, Kinsey,” he says as I kiss his neck and work the buttons on his shirt.

  “You can’t go, either. Not with this, at any rate,” I reply, running my hands over his erection through his suit pants.

  He sucks in a gasping breath at the friction of my hand and his hand fists hard in my hair, pulling my mouth to his. I press my body against him, lust overriding all common sense. I should let him go back to his lunch. He is the star of the show and is missing the main act.

  Instead, I twist away from him and turn to the window. I slowly open the blinds and light fills the room. I slip past him and sit on the edge of the desk. Light falls on my face and body, revealing me completely to him. His gaze travels down my body and then back to my face.

  “You’re beautiful,” he whispers and my stomach flips. I smile at him until he looks at me, his face dark with desire. The smile fades from my lips as his carnal look sends shivers of heat down my spine. I lick my lips and slowly spread my legs in invitation.

  I hear Alec’s deep breath and watch as he moves towards me, lithe as a jungle cat. His hands run up my welcoming thighs, over my stomach, and up to cup my breasts. He squeezes and draws his thumbs across my aching nipples. I brace my arms behind me and lean back, giving him complete access to my body. He admires me as his fingers brush over my skin until I am trembling with desire for more.

  He stands straight and slowly opens the front of his pants. He pulls his rock hard cock free and strokes as he looks at me. His gaze leaves goosebumps in its wake as it rakes over me. The moment stretches out until he closes the distance between us.

  He presses the tip of his cock against my throbbing clit and my hips jerk in response. Slowly, he uses the frim tip to trace up and down my hot, wet lips teasing me. My body strains toward him, asking for more. My eyes lock with his. In the light, I can see his features clearly. The hard plane of his jaw, his full mouth, his eyes dark with desire are all so familiar to me.

  I watch as his face reflects my pleasure as he slides into me. His moan echoes mine as his hands grab my ass. He pulls me to the very edge of the desk, burying himself completely. My legs come around him, holding him to me. I let my head fall back, reveling in the glorious feeling of him.

  His thumb finds my clit and begins to work firm circles over it. Immediately, my core clenches tight around him, and we both gasp in pleasure. My legs tighten and hips work against him. My hands find my breasts. I pinch and roll my nipples as I raise my head to meet his gaze.

  Alec’s dark eyes stare with open hunger at my hands and body. His hips start to move even as his thumb keeps its rhythm. My body rocks in time with his as he slowly moves inside me. The muscles of his shoulders are tight as he holds back the desire I can clearly see raging inside him. His thumb is more insistent, moving faster. The sight of him between my legs, humming with need for me is overwhelming. The heat builds between us, and I lose myself in it. His hips increase their tempo. My body shakes. The moans from my lips come from a place deep inside that belongs only to him. The crescendo rises quickly as he slams into me. Energy explodes through me. My back arches and my legs draw him to me. He thrusts hard with his fingers biting into my hips. I feel him stiffen as his hips pump into me over and over.

  The aftershocks of pleasure roll through us, the intensity dissipating. His hands stay locked at my waist as he works to slow his breathing. I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing my body against him. His hands bury themselves in my hair and his kiss answers every bit of passion I offer.

  His cell phone rings. The sound so incongruous with the moment, I can’t place it. Alec swears softly as he pulls his mouth away. He fishes the phone out of his pocket and silences it.

  “I have to go. That’s Mackey wondering where the hell I am. I told him I needed to make a quick call to check in on my ailing grandmother.”

  I giggle and roll my eyes. “The sick grandmother excuse? Really? That’s the best you could come up with? You definitely need a writer.”

  “I need you, Kinsey.”

  My heart skips a beat at his words. No one has ever need
ed me before. No one has ever gotten as lost in me as I had in him. “How? You can’t be fucking someone that reports to you.” I rest my forehead on his chest, suddenly scared to see his face. I want him to tell me that this is more than fucking, that there is more here than just a physical attraction.

  “If I was just going to fuck you, Kinsey, I wouldn’t care. Fucking isn’t enough. I want all of you, in and out of bed.”

  Relief surges through me and I realize that we have finally arrived at the heart of the matter. “I want that too, but how? Alec, even though I don’t work in the office, it still isn’t acceptable.”

  “I can only see one way. One of us needs to quit.”

  I burst out laughing at his joke until I see by the look on his face that it wasn’t a joke at all. Moreover, I quickly figure out that I’m the one he expects to quit. I push him back away from me, and he slides from between my legs. I need some space.